Has the winter blues set in?
The team of JOYVIAL's executive health coaches has a slew of tools and techniques to help us thrive and live our healthiest, most JOYful lives. That doesn’t mean that we eat “perfectly” all the time, never get angry or sad, or are angels in our relationships with our partners and children. However, we do have each other – health coaches supporting health coaches.
Prioritize Quality Relationships in Your Life
No matter who you are (health coach or not), having a person who truly cares about you, but is impartial enough to ask you all the right questions and reflect back to you what they’re witnessing, is a true gift. It creates the most fertile ground for growth.
With that said, it’s not a surprise that when the JOYVIAL Rays (that’s what our team members are referred to :) come together every month to exchange ideas, we first and foremost check in with one another. We hold space for those on the team to vulnerably share when things don’t go so well and celebrate each other when they do. One process we sometimes use among other techniques is called FANGO.
How the FANGO Process Can Enhance Your Connections
FANGO allows for you and others to be vulnerable as it's a set process that invites open conversation. It allows you to share how you feeling by exploring each of the below letters. This simple process can be used in any relationship to enhance personal connections.
“F” – Feeling (How do I feel after this day?)
“A” – Affirmation (How can I affirm you as my spouse and thank you for the ways you loved me and our family today?
"N" – Need (What do I need right now from my job, my family, you, etc. in order to thrive)
“G” – God (How have I witnessed God today?)
“O” – Ownership (What should I own right now to show up as the person I want to be?)
I invite you to do this with your spouse at the end of every day. What a great way to check in with each other, better understand each other, and find ways to support one another. You will come to love it!
“It’s dark, it’s cold, it’s quiet”
On our last team call during the FANGO process, one of our health coaches, who lives in the northeast expressed her emotional turmoil with what I believe many can identify with. She said “it’s so dark, cold and quiet up here”. Living in the north during the coldest season, the sun rises late and drops so early that you barely get any daylight hours.
In addition, many of her friends are going through challenging times, both physically and mentally. She felt the weight of wanting to help them while needing to attend to her own mental well-being.
Each Ray then shared their thoughts and experiences on how they keep themselves optimistic and positive during these challenging times. I’ve no doubt that, as you review the below suggestions, you’ll find a few nuggets that resonate with you too.
Health Coaches Top Tools & Techniques:
1. Helping others vs. enabling others
First, let's addressed a struggle that many of us face. We all, especially women, feel the constant push and pull between wanting to help everyone around us when we ourselves don’t feel replenished and strong. Lisa on our team exclaimed “It’s irresponsible for us not to take care of our well-being!” As said so many times before, we must prioritize our own health and that of our family before we can attempt to fill up other people’s empty cups.
Lisa also pointed out the difference between helping others vs. enabling others. Enabling others implies that you try to do their work for them. This could be as simple as telling others how they should proceed in their life rather than helping others come to their own conclusions and owning their decisions. As women, we often feel responsible to fix situations (the enabler), but what most people truly need is just someone who cares and listens.
2. Understanding your 'triggers'
Another idea that came up was to create awareness in moments when you feel 'triggered' (i.e. you find yourself reacting to others with anger, sadness or other painful emotions). Find a quiet spot and asks yourself "Why do I feel this way right now? What's the underlying message I may have heard (e.g. 'I'm not good enough' or 'I suck'). Could the other person just have a bad day and unintentionally leave it out on me? Do their views of how the world / the office / us parenting, etc. should look like differ from mine creating this tension? How can I approach this situation with more understanding for their view but equally also look at why I'm triggered?
So often all of us react from deeply rooted experiences from our childhood and beyond showing us what the 'right way' is vs. the 'wrong way'. Someone else, growing up with different experiences will very likely have a different view. At our best self we understand that a community comes with differing points of views and we show up to situations with that kind of recognition...and a desire to show up with compassion from them and myself. In short, try to create awareness of the possible motivations that led to the situation and with a conscious mind choose your reaction.
3. Get grounded
When feeling frazzled or stressed here are a few thoughts of ways to ground yourself again. By grounding I imply our desire to feel settled again with a vision of having both feet firmly grounded on Mother Earth. When you feel anxious about anything you may find it helpful to first reminds yourself of this simple fact that 'I'm not bleeding. I'm still breathing, I’m not in crisis'.
In such moments I often like to ask myself if this situation will still bother me when I lie on my deathbed. This may sound brutal, but it grounds me right away as most often the challenges at hand are just not that big as I perceived them at the start.
Focusing on deep breathing is another tool to use when feeling anxious. Deeply inhaling and slowly exhaling will lead your nervous system to calm down again (getting you out of fight-or-flight-mode). It is the simplest tool we recommend to all our clients.
You also want to create greater awareness about what’s at the core of your spinning mind. Ask yourself “What is this truly about?” This simple question allows you to peel back the layers and focus on what actually needs attention vs. flapping your proverbial arms in fifteen directions.
4. Sometimes we just need a good cry
Executive health coach MJ also says that often we try to force being happy when we are not by shoving our emotions down. The challenge with that approach is that deep down you haven’t dealt with the emotional baggage. So, the energy is still trapped within you.
This not only builds up your unwanted emotions but actually creates imbalance in your cells which promotes disease. Crying it out when you are sad or punching your mattress when you’re angry are great ways to release the emotion and move on.
5. Get fresh air
Going for walks in nature is one of best ways to help her feel at peace again. There is so much research supporting the healing effects of walking in nature (ideally leaving your phone tucked away).
6. Surround yourself with people who love you
Do you have a few close friends that you can count on to provide a safe space. Often we think we need to provide a fix when a friend is blue. What they usually need is someone to be fully present and to listen with an open heart, allowing their emotions to rise to the surface. Why would it be any different for you? Reach out to others and vent for a moment. Your vulnerability will likely open up others to share their frustrations too. At the end you laugh about it, hug it out, and drive home feeling more at peace.
Now there you have it. These are the go-to tools and techniques our executive health coaches use. But like with all tools, it’s important to realize that it’s one thing to have them as a resource and another to use them. Your tools are only as good as you choose to apply them.
Click the 'Contact' button in the top right corner or simply send us an email to info@joyvial.com to schedule your free discovery session.