“The truth is that there is no actual stress or anxiety in the world; it’s your thoughts that create these false beliefs. You can’t package stress, touch it, or see it. There are only people engaged in stressful thinking,” ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer
Are you ready to hear the reality as to what’s needed for you to move from anxiety, anger, fear, jealousy and hate to JOY, self-confidence, fulfillment, and love?
You may not like the answer as it requires a shift from being a victim to taking responsibility for EVERY emotion you feel. How often during each day do others drive you nuts or cause you frustration and external circumstances cause you anxiety or fear?
Can you identify with these examples? You...
Get frustrated and defensive with people who can’t see your point of view.
Feel jealous of another person who seems to progress further in their career.
Feel anxious when you don’t put certain number of hours into work.
Feel hurt when others reject you.
I’ve felt all of these emotions and many more…The truth is, it’s NEVER the other person or the circumstances that cause your negative emotions and here is why….
All your emotions are based on your views of the world.
Simple example: If you grew up in Spain, you’d be accustomed to the cultural norm to take a siesta (a break) from 2 – 5 PM every day. All shops close down, people take naps and recharge their batteries. If that’s your norm do you think you’d feel anxious about not working enough hours every day?
Here’s another example: Not getting an email response from someone may feel like you’re being ignored. But what if you knew this person just had a baby – wouldn’t you be more forgiving if she didn’t respond to your email right away?
The point is, it’s all about perspective. More importantly your and my perspectives are likely very different, which brings us to a very important point…
Why do we see the world differently?
Research shows that each of us get most of our beliefs about how the world works before the age of seven. By watching our parents (or any other person of authority) we learned what is worth getting sad about, anxious, upset, or angry. We learned what the role of a woman and a man is, how to engage with others, what a relationship looks like, and on and on and on. The list is endless.
Take this further, research shows that today you act 95% out of these subconscious beliefs, not questioning your actions, thoughts, and motivations. You are on auto-pilot following the same unconscious behaviors your parents modeled.
The 5 steps to break the cycle:
1. Become aware of your patterns, meaning you have to become conscious about your thoughts and actions. Example: I’ve always worried that I wasn’t putting ‘enough hours’ into my work day which showed up as anxiety. I had to be in the office at a certain time and leaving the desk before a certain hour would give me this tight feeling in my chest…not good. So the pattern is me getting anxious about not putting in enough hours.
2. Uncover the underlying belief. Ask yourself “Why am I reacting this way?”, “What do I believe will happen if I do xyz”, “What’s at the core of the emotion I’m feeling?”
Let’s use the previous example: The pattern is getting anxious about not working enough hours if I leave the office before 5:00 p.m. My belief was that if I don’t work the “set hours” someone may think that I’m not giving it my all or that I’m lazy. And being called lazy would make me feel small and rejected.
3. Where did this belief come from? Now knowing that our beliefs are shaped when we are young kids, think back to where you may have picked up the belief that you have to work in the office at these set hours in order to be accepted. Was it from your mother or father who may have called you lazy and at the same time removed their visible love for you? Chances are good it’s in your family of origin.
4. Question the validity. You were a kid and you perceived life through your own lens. Can you put a different perspective on the situation you experienced as a child? What did your mom or dad go through at the time? What may have been their belief systems that caused them to act the way they did? What other alternative views exist of this situation?
5. The realization – your view is not the only valid one. If other circumstances, other peoples’ beliefs influenced the way you experienced the world, it gives enough reason for you to let go of your current conviction and start acting from a more realistic place. Think about how you can reframe the experience in your mind and have more compassion and understanding. That seemingly minor adjustment can change your entire perspective of your anxious thoughts today.
Recognizing limiting beliefs and changing them can be initially tricky so you will benefit from working with a JOYVIAL executive health coach who is trained to guide you in this process.
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