As the initial honeymoon phase in a relationship moves to day-to-day living, as children are born and new hectic routines replace romantic dinners and movie nights, we often need to refocus our attention on the most important relationship in our life again, the one with our spouse.
The reasons why things have changed between the two of you is because you aren’t each others’ top priority anymore. Even with children in the house, your relationship with your husband or wife will be most important as only when the two of you are in love and walk through life in lock-step will your kids get the most of both of their parents.
Putting our heads together with the team of JOYVIAL’s executive health coaches we came up with a list of 21 strategies that will undoubtedly rekindle your relationship again.
Here are the first 7 techniques. As you read them, ask yourself "Which resonate most with me? Mark those for now.
1. Remember the past
Can you remember a time when your relationship was at its best? Think back to that place and recall the many reasons why you started dating your partner in the first place. Write down everything that comes to mind. Don't sensor yourself.
Avoid resenting the fact that it isn’t that way today, but rather use the memory as an inspiration for what you are fighting for and what’s possible. You fell in love for a reason. Remember and focus on those reasons to stay motivated as you practice some of the other strategies we are about to share.
2. Have a shared vision
You want to know where you are heading towards. What does great look like for the two of you? Unless you feel your spouse is currently closed off to the idea, we encourage you to create a shared vision of what a loving relationship looks like. This will include any and all ideas that come to both of your minds…anything as small as "I’d like to hold hands more often" to big stuff, like "I’d love to have dinner together most nights a week".
Your vision should always state the positive, your shared wants and needs, rather than use statements of what you don’t want (e.g. ‘Don’t work late most nights a week.’). Also, leave all reasons as to why things aren't working today or may not work in the future at the door. This should be a fun exercise and should get the two of you excited about what’s possible in your relationship again. Even if you end up doing this on your own, there is great value in defining what you think is possible. Need help with this? Let us know!
3. Have daily check in
Swop some TV time for time to reconnect with each other. Get comfortable on the couch and ask each other two questions:
1) ‘Where did I show you my love today? (i.e. where did you feel supported, cared for, loved, heard, seen, etc.).’
2) ‘Where did I not show you my love today? (i.e. I ignored you, demoralized you, offended you, etc.).’
Just hear each other out. Know that even though you may have experienced situations another way, what matters in that moment most is that your spouse saw the situation differently. What would it take for you to do what he needed this time next time around? Most things are easy and just require the realization how our actions and words impact the other and our genuine intention to do things better next time (better, not perfect…we never stop growing, but we need to keep growing).
This exercise alone should be so very powerful as you take time to listen to each other, acknowledge each others’ needs but also your love for one another. This will make it easy to commit to doing even a little bit better the next day and the day after.
4. EnJOY shared meals
Commit to eating as many meals together as possible. Sharing a meal allows you to reconnect with each other and hear what’s on everybody’s mind. It’s a great way to debrief each other about your day, the things that irritated you and things that made your day special and good. Even better, call the kids and get the whole family together as also they have a story to tell about their day. It’s a great way to reconnect, to be present for each other and to share your love by listening to and supporting each other.
5. Dress for comfort and look at home
I honestly think that 15 years ago my marriage partly failed due to the fact that I wore the baggiest, most unattractive (yet comfortable!) clothes. On top of that, when at home, I often pulled my hair back for comfort and ease. When I look back at those photos I cringe. How could I let myself go that much?!
Today I know there is a way to be comfortable and look good at the same time. Get back into doing both.
6. Give her time to look beautiful
Gents, it may not take you much time to get ready but us women just need a bit longer. Not because we are slow but because there is just more to do. Our hair takes longer to wash, comb, dry, and style. Our make-up needs to look flawless for you and our outfit needs to match the occasion. So please be patient with us and, once we show up we always love hearing a sweet comment about us looking good for you.
7. Shape up
Yea, I know…and you know too. Is it possible you gained some weight since you got married or started dating? Maybe rekindling your relationship is your motivation to lose a few extra pounds and tone up a bit. Your efforts will undoubtedly get noticed and will impact every aspect of your life, especially your marriage.
These 7 strategies are just the first of 21 we will share with you in the coming weeks. Look out for our next blog in two weeks to learn about the next 7 ideas our executive health coaches want to share with you.
Now, instead of trying to do all these 7 techniques at once, pick 2 for which you will put all your energy behind. Create a plan and set your ideas in motion. If you’d like help, know that this is our specialty, helping you create a vision of you living your healthiest, most JOYful life in all areas of your life and taking the steps to reach your vision. Click the 'Contact' button in the top right corner or simply send us an email to info@joyvial.com to schedule your free discovery session.
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