And, we are back with part 3 of our blog series on how to rekindle your relationship again. How many ideas from our first two blogs did you try out? Each of the 21 strategies are worth exploring so, if you haven’t already, I invite you to also read part 1 and part 2 of this blog series.
Okay, now on to the last 7 strategies our executive health coaches thought of. These are the ideas that have helped us and our clients create a stronger connection with our partners, grow trust, and deepen our love for one another again. We want these things for your marriage too.
1. Ask more question & listen
Listening seems to be an art form. Both parties could do a lot better, but it’s most often us women who tend to talk more than we listen. To make you feel better, know that this behavior is in our DNA. Men more often like to think in silence, while women like to think out loud.
Can we give each other enough space to be fully heard? This means discipline as you truly need to stay quiet after asking a question. You think you might be doing this today but observe yourself. So often we jump right back in with our own answer or more questions.
Let’s not assume each other’s answers and give enough space for each of you to be heard. Try it tonight. Start simple by asking how your partner’s day went.
2. Talk about areas of mistrust
Are there skeletons in your closet? Are there areas of mistrust? Misunderstandings happen quickly and if not discussed can morph into something much bigger than it ever needed to be.
In our first blog we talked about the importance of communication and offered an idea for a daily shared practice. You want to bring up these areas of mistrust in those daily conversations. It’s hard, but if talked about in a calm and loving environment something really amazing happens…your trust in each other grows even deeper to the point of knowing each other so very intimately.
So, when in doubt, talk it out.
3. Lift up your man
You may wear the pants in the office all day but when you come home can you melt back into being his woman? There are many ways how we women unintentionally emasculate our men. For one we sometimes don’t give them a chance to be heard in a non-threatening environment. I once read a really good book on this topic - “The Queen’s Code” by Alison Armstrong, and learned that men when put on the defensive can only defend themselves. They can’t be our protector and lover when they feel constantly the need to defend their actions.
But men’s natural tendencies are to be the protectors of the family and to ensure the family is cared for. So especially if you wear the pants in the office or may even be the breadwinner for the family, can you ask yourself if there is need for you to bring greater awareness to this area?
4. Respect your woman
Being in general the physically weaker sex, women often lived a hard life in past centuries. While we have come a long way, there is still some way to go. One area which is too often gone unnoticed are the number of chores that fall traditionally into the woman’s responsibilities. Shopping, cooking, clean up, child care (homework, doctors’ visits, school needs, etc.) are just a few of those extra chores.
A BBC article stated that the pandemic worsened the case in most countries around the world with US women working now on average 1.6 hours for every 1 hour a man works. Can we start finding balance to this equation. And do you, being the husband to such an amazing wife, have the opportunity to bring more appreciation for the tremendous contributions she is making to your family?
5. Be a young couple again
When you come home at night can you melt back into his arms like you used to? Is that how your relationship once started? If so, what has changed? You used to have so much fun together and things seem to be so much easier. With kids in the house a lot can change but as they grow older don’t forget to go back to those fun days. Remember what made you laugh in the past and bring those experiences back into your life.
6. Look for the good
What happened? Somehow, as time passes in a relationship, we stop admiring our partner for all the amazing ways s/he lights up our world and start focusing on all the ways they fail to deliver. We complain about the trash not being taken out rather than say thanks for the chores that were done.
Can you remember the many reasons s/he made you smile when you first fell in love? His handsome face, her beautiful smile, his care for children and the elderly, her big heart helping out in school or church. Can we start seeing and recognizing those things again and telling each other how awesome we are? Your spouse’s approval will always be one of the most valued in your life. So, why not be the first. Start looking for the good in your spouse today. Tell him/her and we are confident it’ll change your marriage for the better.
7. Don’t wait. Start today.
Here you have it! Those were the last 7 of 21 strategies on how you can rekindle your marriage again. Which resonated most with you? Instead of trying to do all these 21 techniques at once, pick 2-3 that you will put all your energy behind. Create a plan and set our ideas in motion.
But don’t wait. Nothing changes if you don’t make a move in this very moment. Pick what you will focus on and decide on your first step to make it happen.
If you’d like help, know that this is our specialty, helping you create a vision of you living your healthiest, most JOYful life in all areas of your life and taking the steps to reach your vision. Click the 'Contact' button in the top right corner or simply send us an email to firstname.lastname@example.org to schedule your free discovery session.